Dating apps can feel like a never-ending rollercoaster of thrill and disappointment.  It’s no wonder you feel destabilized when conversations don’t lead to a real date or you receive the dreaded “I don’t think we’re a match” after having only gone out for two dates.

Why Apps Hit You Harder

If you:

• You tend to get excited over faces that activate your “intuition” or “deep knowing” 
• Bond through conversational details such as proper grammar, emojis, and references to literary arts
• Tend to uphold “high standards,” so you hyper focus on the rare “high value” matches you do get

The emotional whiplash. Internal excitement building, then the disappointing rejection keeps you hating the happs. 

But! I’m here to change that for you.

External Behavior:

• No endless texting before meeting. Instead, I recommend a 5-minute video call to hear their voice, verify their tone, and confirm they are in the shape they claim to be in. The apps are for scheduling the first 3 dates. That’s it!
  
• No emotional disclosure before meeting. It’s okay to express excitement about the date itself but I recommend reserving the “compliments” about him until after actually meeting the man. He might be shitty an boring AF in person.
  
• It’s okay to be honest and humorous about your anxiety in yuour profile. I put “If I like you, we’re getting matching tombstones. NO IF ANDS OR BUTS! ” This is a way to open the door to your dating anxiety conversation. You don’t need to hide it to be liked.

Internal Behavior:

• Give “eh” guys a chance. Early in my journey, I realized even the “ugly” guys weren’t choosing me. That motivated me to keep dating and how I communicated on dates. Denial from low chemistry guys can help with rejection sensitivity and acceptance that “WOW, not everyone has to like me!”
  
• Stop trusting your “intuition” after seeing a couple photos. If you have a history of choosing wrong, I hate to say it, but your intuition is not a trustworthy source (yet). It will seek men who will confirm the narrative that you’re not worthy of being chosen. Don’t give it a chance to make up stories before meeting men.

• Have multiple conversations with different men to experience the different flavors of men your city has to offer. Remember, dating is a process of discovery! Don’t limit yourself to a type that your undeveloped intuition forced on you.

A note: most women cringe at the idea of giving up their “type”. And trust me, that’s not how the story has played out for my clients. Instead of being the petulant child who can only eat spaghetti for dinner, they now enjoy spaghetti, fried rice, and steak. The whole world of men becomes your menu. Having that range is what makes dating truly delightful.

And, if you’re a ride or die woman looking to expand her horizons and make dating apps her bitch, I’d be happy to help you with that.