After my encounter with a Married Man who left me in a total state of psychosis, I totally bought into the hype of “healing myself.” I swore to stay away from any more shenanigans with men for the foreseeable future.

I hit the gym, got my dream job and 2x my income, and focused on having one hell of a summer! 

From the outside, it looked like healing. I remember thinking: “Shit like this is bound to happen when you meet men off the internet. Time will heal everything.” I forgave myself and “moved on.” If you just focus on yourself long enough, your relationship patterns will magically disappear.

*HOW SILLY IS THAT*

The Myth of Solo Healing

Self-dates build self-trust…not relational skill.

I’ll be fair… you  CAN achieve these things through sailing solo:

• Rebuilding identity after heartbreak
• Regaining self-esteem
• Learning to enjoy solitude

Those things matter.

But please don’t be stupid *LIKE ME* to think a nicer ass and more $$ = healing of your relational issues. The beliefs and stuck emotions were still VERY MUCH ALIVE AND KICKING IN MY SYSTEM.  

ANDDDD doing that IS EXACTLY  how I ended up with two additional “The Ones” who left me broken and defeated.  

Solodating is the dating equivalent of “kicking the can down the road” if you ever want to be a mother or a wife.  

That’s when I finally decided I needed to date differently and hire help to solve this fucking problem. 

Take my warning! You cannot fix relational problems without relationships.

You cannot practice:

• Attachment pacing
• Boundary communication
• Attraction analysis 
• Anxiety containment

….by yourself all alone in a pottery class.

I healed when I:

• Dated before I felt “ready,” while in ACTIVE OBSESSION with my former limerent objects
• Stayed present with anxiety instead of disappearing
• Learned how to respond instead of react to each rejection (told “no” by a recovering alcoholic, Ron Weasley lookalike, and flight attendant who were still hung up on ex…you name it.)

Here’s what I know now…Dating isn’t something you earn after healing.

It’s where healing gets tested. You have to keep dating to get the data. True relational confidence is built through exposure, feedback, and repetition, not isolation.

If you’re done buying into the noble “healing era” that keeps you single and self-righteous, this is exactly the work I do!

My coaching is for women who want to:

• Stay emotionally honest
• Date without spiraling
• Build skills that actually translate into partnership

If that’s you, book a discovery call and let’s talk about doing dating differently this time!

Your future husband will thank you.